Feeling “bad” is not all bad. Some of us tend to push away feelings like sadness, anxiety, or anger. This type of denial is adaptive for getting through some situations, but eventually, we all have to acknowledge our feelings. If you don’t, you may find yourself exploding in rage, frozen with panic, or stuck in a deep depression. Pushing away feelings is not the root of all mental health challenges, but it can contribute to them. Being mindful of our feelings when they’re small can help us acknowledge and manage stronger feelings.
Mindful – you’ve heard that buzzword before. Maybe you’ve even tried some mindfulness strategies yourself. But you’re likely reading this article to help a child you know. Mindfulness can be explained as “noticing” or “being aware” of feelings and surroundings to be grounded in the present moment. Even if they don’t fully understand it, children can learn and apply mindfulness techniques just like adults.
Here are a few picture books that are excellent for teaching and practicing mindfulness:
When Sophie Gets Angry - Sophie manages her anger by spending time in nature noticing colors and her surroundings. (When discussing this with children, I usually say that it is part of Sophie’s backyard, so they don’t get any ideas about running away!)
Needing Attention - This social story describes the root of many attention-seeking behaviors in an understandable way. It also directly teaches the social skills needed to address and express those feelings.
What Do You Do with a Problem - This book highlights the value of facing problems (or uncomfortable feelings) to find opportunities for good. It also reinforces that avoiding feelings does not work.
Angry Octopus - Children can learn to notice how anger feels and try progressive muscle relaxation along with the angry octopus.
Quilt Story - When her family moves, a young girl notices her feelings, and her mom helps her find what feels like home to her.
Jeremy’s Decision - Readers can look for clues as to what Jeremy is feeling to reinforce the skill of noticing sensations and feelings.
Other mindful reading options for kids are Where’s Waldo?, I Spy, and books on the five senses. These require noticing and awareness in the present moment.
Remember, unhappy feelings are not necessarily bad. For example, feeling anxious and exercising caution is adaptive and protects us from danger. Some people have a stronger tendency (genetic or learned) to keep the catastrophic thinking going when there is no danger present. Anxiety can become a problem if it negatively affects a person’s everyday life. You can help children with anxiety see their potential – they may be imaginative, empathetic, good planners, or even creative visionaries.
When explaining mindfulness to children with anxiety, I usually say that worries or “what-ifs” are mostly about the future. Mindfulness helps bring us back to the present moment even if that means noticing “I feel anxious” in the present moment. To an extent, you can de-sensitize yourself to a persistent worry by alternately noticing your feeling, noticing the thought that provokes that feeling, and bringing yourself to the present moment by noticing your surroundings (e.g. find 5 green things).
Keep in mind that the goal is not to avoid or distract from uncomfortable feelings. Mindfulness and other coping skills are simply tools for managing a behavioral response to strong feelings (e.g. noticing tense muscles and relaxing if there is no tangible threat, deep breaths to think clearly and make rational decisions, etc.). There is, however, a difference in healthy reflection and unhealthy rumination (Read more on that here).
The more kids practice mindfulness when they are calm, the more likely it is to work for them when they start to feel upset. Try some mindfulness at home or in the classroom this week, and let us know what you think!
Happy reading!